Live to Die to Become What I Was

Live to die to become what I was: that's more than a mouthful; that's a brainteaser. This is one of the things I have learned and has slowly sunk in over the last few years.

To Live: I must stay within this existence a while more. It is a place of suffering at times, but can also be a place of joy. More importantly it is a place of learning. That is why I am here now; I need to learn. Living within this form teaches me. Living among others shows me the connections; we are all part of each other. Living this life while learning shows me how the false teachings of this existence can be undone - in myself and in others. While I am still a student; I am also to be a teacher, like my Brother. But because I am not "all knowing" in this world - even when I can be a know-it-all at times - there are things I must learn to do to die.

To Die: That which I believed I was, I am not. That which believes it is me, is not. That which my mind sometimes fights against, I am. That which is not me, yet insists that it is me, fighting that which is actually me, must die. Before I start sounding like a patient in a psycho ward, I speak of the ego here. There can often be discord inside me, as there exists in every human being. 

A part of me that is often identified as the ego, lives by the rules of this world: One must destroy before one is destroyed; one is either greater or lesser than another and to desire greatness is key; "greatness" is a form of security; if one does not have everything one sees and desires, one is a failure ~ surround yourself with luxury and everything will make you happy (until the next new toy comes out). This is the world's song within us and every time we do not live this song, the ego makes us anxious and unhappy. It tells us happiness is only found if we keep feeding it power, greatness and material wealth. As many can tell us over countless ages and around the world; money does not buy happiness. That is a lie we all must contend with and strive against every day.

The other part of me, I don't have a word to describe it accurately. For the time being "spirit" will do, though that falls short.

To Become What I Was: I have read many accounts of creation. Some say God breathed life into man, giving us the breath of life. Some say the universe began with a bang, a clap or a vibration. Some say creation was done through a Word - which is essentially a thought given life through Divine breath conveyed by a vibration through time and space. In the beginning the Word was with God and the Word is God.

In short, God creates through extension. There is a part of God that extends and becomes something else, yet there is no account that any part of Creation has broken from God, except perhaps the story of Adam & Eve. But if you follow the full account, the mistakes (sins) that Adam & Eve has done was reversed - for all time - through the Crucifixion / Resurrection.

So those - both before and after Christ's corporeal time in this existence - are still connected to God or extensions of God. This is what I was, what I am and what I will be. I am not the only one. This is what EVERYONE is. It is only because this world teaches us differently and the ego fights this thought that we ourselves do not believe this. Does this mean I am God. Certainly not! I am God's daughter, though. An extension of God that has been given many things including to the freedom to believe and act as though I am not what I am. That is when I associate with the ego and this world.

But I am not at Peace nor am I happy unless I shift my mind to the spiritual part of me that tells me that this world will pass away, this world is only here to teach us what we truly are. The ego too will pass away; it will die. I need to shift my perspective to see through another set of eyes to be what I really am. I need to let the ego die - though it fights to live with vindictiveness - and exist as I always was, what I am, what I will be.

When my mind joins with the ego, I am Eve cast out of Paradise. When my mind separates from the ego and is one with the spirit, I am back in the loving arms of God who has never let me go.