Change in Perspective

Late last night, the toddler in the apartment overhead rhythmically jumped on their uncovered hardwood floors, sounding like cannon booms through our ceiling. At least it seemed that loud as I was under the covers trying to sleep.

It's a downside of apartment life. I remind myself we are not perfectly quiet either, as my husband turns up the TV volume to hear it in the galley kitchen.

She is only a little girl, I tell myself, about three years old and does not know that I am under her floorboards trying to sleep. Her parents may be unaware that insulation is non-existent in this building, and we hear every footstep - let alone jumping rope or whatever she is doing that moment. We haven't mentioned it to them...

A disturbing thought rose from my cranky, sleep-deprived ego after a stress-filled day ~ "Someone should shoot that little--" I put a stop to that thought immediately, horrified and repulsed, even if I didn't mean literally "shoot" her, but just find some way to silence the noise.

After shoving that rude thought aside, I turned to God in prayer. At this point, a layer of angel feathers between floors would be a great Blessing. Right? Or how about some earplugs that would not worsen my ear-infection? I got a Blessing, but in a different form...

"Would you welcome God if (S)He wanted to visit tonight?" 

I thought, "In my dreams? Sure!" In fact, that would be something to look forward to... if I could only get to sleep with all that pounding upstairs!

"Would you welcome God in the form of a three-year old girl jumping overhead?"

WHOA!

I admit, I didn't see that one coming. But it is true; God's Spirit is within each of us, as well as beyond space and time. God is in that little girl, happily playing like little girls do.

Reluctantly, I accepted this and let it sink in. The pounding continued, but I found Peace. God is within me too, and letting go of the animosity of the moment was the only way I could accept God and Peace.

I don't know how much longer the jumping continued, but for me, I could no longer hear it. I vaguely remember hearing the water running for her bath as I drifted off in a peaceful lullabye to beautiful dreams.

What a world of difference a change in perspective brings.

Stop the Presses

"Positive News" is a collection of news stories posted on my other blog daily since Jan. 1.

During Friday's prayers, I felt prompted to ask "just one more time" to see if God still wants me to do so. While I have gotten affirmations before, this feeling would not let me be. The time required steadily increased over the week and my heart wasn't in it.

Worse, it took over my life. I worked on Positive News rather than my job and became irked when the boss asked for reports. My husband sees the back of my laptop more than my face. And I haven't responded to tweets, emails or letters...

Inside, it felt like the winds that sustained this project have faltered and died. I thought it was my lack of commitment. Given that the Pope's resignation was constantly in the news stories I sorted, I didn't want to "just give up" if this was what God wanted.

But did God still want me to do this, or is its purpose fulfilled and the task done?

I prayed and I asked. My mind fought a battle I've encountered before...

Should I ask God for a sign, a simple "yes" or "no" -- or would that be "testing God?"

I recall Yeshua's response to the adversary in the desert, "It is written, you shall not test the Lord, your God." So I asked the unspoken question: "Would asking God for a confirmation be considered "testing God." Yeshua knew the conflict inside my head, and the frustration that God's Will was truly unknown to me in this matter.

He brought me Peace and understanding. I need Trust, but to ask for confirmation was not "testing." I was not trying to prove that God was there or that God will be faithful to a promise. In fact, to continue to chug along without confirmation after the Engineer has changed tracks would be "testing," trying to prove that my will was God's.

Checking in with God every step of the way is important. So there is delight, not anger, when we ask for a sign to confirm.

I was asked to pick something definitive, so I would not doubt if I "misread" the sign. I asked for 69 hits on Friday's Positive News post by the time I published Saturday's. No more; no less. I had 70 on Tuesday's post, so it was possible.

Yesterday morning, I got my answer -- 29. It had not increased since. Yesterday's post only had 22 hits.

I wondered, maybe God misheard me. Maybe He thought I said 29, not 69. Am I stupid? Of COURSE God heard correctly, and God even knows why I picked that number (birth year).

What is my mind trying to do? Surely, *I* am the one that wants to continue. I opened my hand, and let my ego go.

I responded to tweets full force yesterday. 120 tweets had over 300 responses before bedtime. 

I also went offline and played games with my husband. I beat him in Othello, but he won the majority of Zombie Dice rounds.

Gaming rolled into dinner time and we sat and talked across the table with no TV or distractions. Then I read to him as he washed  dishes. 

Yet in the shower before bedtime, doubt reared its ugly head again. What if I was mistaken? Negative thoughts told me that to end suddenly on February 16 made no sense. Why not keep Positive News going until the end of the month? 

Yet Yeshua was with me and brought me a bit of understanding. I was using the wrong calendar; count the days instead, He instructed. 40 days and 7, counting all the days I posted Positive News. 

Both 40 and 7 are biblical numbers.

It felt good. I felt at Peace. I was able to sleep in a bit this morning, knowing I did not have to face the long strings of negative news feeds to find the positive nuggets for my blog today.

The Engineer has changed tracks again; I only wish to obey. And this has brought me Joy.

Confirmation is key; I should never be afraid to ask for it.   

Battle Over?

A little over an hour after I posted Technical Difficulties (please read prior post), I get a call from my husband. He was about to hook up the new DSL at home when he notices that the "dead" DSL has miraculously resurrected itself.

Or maybe it had some help...?

Upon several tests, there is now nothing wrong with the DSL... Like my computer yesterday, it started working smoothly on its own.

Does this mean this battle is over?

Technical Difficulties

I can be a sulky little sister; yesterday proved that. In my mind, it was a test: a test of Faith, a test to see if I clearly hear Yeshua, and maybe even a test to see if He really keeps His word. (There I brought that little doubt to the light!)

When I started Positive News, I was told I would be able to get the work down to an hour each morning by the end of the month. While it has gone from sixteen hours to roughly four, I seriously doubted that it would only take one hour.

Yesterday, it took three-and-a-half hours! I railed, I whined, I complained, I questioned. Let's face it: I threw a hissy-fit. Why didn't He keep His promise?!?

His response was to calm down, and that I wasn't "thinking in my right mind." Right mind? I watched the clock! Nearly four hours!!! But in time, after the temper tantrum, I realized what else happened yesterday.

Let's start with the day before yesterday. My home DSL modem died. I know Yeshua is known for raising the dead, but I didn't consider DSL's to be on the list. So I left that issue in my hubby's capable hands. In trying to fix it, we fried two phone jacks and one phone. Needless to say, I will not have internet access at home for a while...

So I went to work early yesterday to work on Positive News from there. For some reason my work connection - a CABLE modem plugged directly into my laptop - was bizarrely slow. This was at 7am, with no one else in the building and very few people in the neighborhood (unless you count that line at Dunkin' Donuts across the street).

After Firefox crashed three times, I checked for bugs, viruses, and such, with nothing found. The most insane part was that my computer crawled, taking as much as five minutes to paste in Word after I hit Ctrl+V on the keyboard. And yet, my CPU indicator barely lit up at all, so the computer wasn't struggling with an overwhelmed memory. It just decided to work VERY slowly. Can computers hold slow-down strikes? I swear mine was!

And then - after three hours of painfully slow work -- especially as I have very little patience -- I finally posted Positive News on my other blog. Then I went to Twitter to tweet that the next edition was up. Can you say "Fail Whale"? It took 25 minutes to post that one simple tweet, being forced to log in at least three times.

After that? Well, surprisingly, right after I fought tooth and claw to get that edition up, my computer decided to behave properly for the rest of the day. It worked as its speedy self, the internet streamed audio and video feeds effortlessly, and there were no issues with any of its programs. What happened? I really don't know...

I leave the guess up to you, dear readers.

 

When I worked on today's edition of Positive Tweets, it took just under an hour and a half. But twenty minutes of that was because I read a few stories and watched a video. 

Otherwise it would have taken an hour, just like yesterday -- if not for the battle.

Two days ago, I heard a single word whispered in the howling wind: Persevere. Yesterday morning, while I was mentally throwing colorful language at my laptop in frustration, that word danced in the forefront of my mind.

While I wasn't thinking in my right mind, I sulked that Yeshua didn't keep His promise to me.

So focused on feelings of betrayal and disappoint- ment, I didn't see that the promise WAS kept. There was just some... technical difficulties?... that were thrown in my path in defiance of this. And my big Brother helped me persevere through it.

Perhaps the "technical difficulties" were designed to get me mad and distance myself from my beloved Brother.

This morning's success only proves that His promise was kept. I just need to think with the right mind to see it clearly.

Have you ever run into "technical difficulties" too?