Give and Receive

There is something I am still trying to learn: to receive. It's been something that my ears have picked up several times today, as though it's a message I really need to hear. To learn.

Since I was a young child I would constantly give - my stuff, my time, my help. Even when I have very little in this world, I still give and do without much. Forget iPad's and the latest HD flatscreen TV; I still have a dual dial TV and record player at home. While I do get a tad jealous when I see others enjoying that which is beyond my budget, I also remember there are those with far less than I have. I have food each day, I have a roof over my head, heat in the winter and hot water for showers.

But then I face a particular dilemma with my family each Christmas. Unlike my own financial status, the rest of my family has done well. They are not millionaires, but they are all certainly upper class. For example, my mother criticizes me about my vehicle. It's a Jeep that I purchased in 1998. It still runs, and it's PAID for even if she needs repairs and has rust spots. I wonder sometimes if they get embarrassed when I come to visit and the rusty old Jeep is parked next to the Lincoln Towncar or Volvo or BMW. We live completely different lifestyles. 

When my family asks for a wish list, I give them a list (including website links) of food banks and charities I wish I could donate more too, especially in this economy when government and private funding of Public TV, food banks and charities are getting slashed. My family snubs the list and keeps insisting that there must be SOMEthing I want for myself.

There is joy in giving, I know. When I refuse to let another give, I deny them that joy. If I refuse help, even when I can use it, I am refusing another the opportunity for others to let Christ work through them. I am - and have been for so many years - focused on helping others, giving to others, that I do not let anyone help me, or give something to me. We are meant to help each other. I am denying others that opportunity. Why? Could it just have been something as silly and stupid as ... pride?

I think so. I earn money, I pay my own rent, I buy all that I need and do without the rest. I give to others, but when others want to give to me, I stubbornly put before them a list of all the others in this world who have even less than I. While I told myself again and again that it's because I want to help others, maybe it's because I'm too proud to accept help myself? 

On the other hand, I am also wary of materialism. I would like a new wool blanket and feather pillows that aren't so flat: things that are luxury items in my budget but can be easily afforded by others. Where does one draw the line? Would I become swept up in the sparkles of other niceties that I do not need? How about a new cell phone - or even a smart phone so I can figure out what all those squares are about? What about an iPad that I admire. How about a nice house with a bit of land? ... Next thing I know, I'll be surrounded by all the nice stuff, credit cards will be maxed out and I will barely make minimum payments, barely covering the interest. There will be nothing left to help others....

I am still torn by this. Where do I lay aside pride and let others help me, and where do I look at what advertisers are trying to sell me and say "I don't need it"? Yes, I need to set aside pride. But I still don't know how to avoid the other aspect. ...

Is there some way I can open up opportunity where someone can help me that would not feed materialism? There is such a drive inside me to help the people - feed them, provide shelters, healthcare, even some comforts - like warm chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. I wish I knew of a way to share that with my family and others. I don't need the fancy flatscreen TV; I need to see more people feeding the hungry and not shoving aside the needs of others in this world.

I'm not saying it's bad to have nice things, I just personally do not want them. Not when there is still suffering in this world, when people are without clean drinking water, when elderly have to make a decision between their medication and food. These are real. These are sad. I need to find a way to explain to those in my life that THAT is what I truly desire. Not the gadgets and gifts they wish to shower me with year after year.
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How do I do that though...?