Dear John

Yesterday I received something similar to a "Dear John" letter. While the sender was not my spouse, it was someone I considered a brother. I care for this person as much as I do any of my blood-relations. I helped him through hard and trying times. Now I was tossed aside like a broken tool; "compromised" was the word he used.

I don't have many friends; I never had. I was an outcast as a child, and my family does not understand me. When I find someone that accepts me as a friend, I put all that I have into the relationship. When that friend walks away, it's quite hard on me indeed... Except this time.
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I remember when I was in high school, I had two friends whom I considered sisters. They turned on me for some unknown reason. A third friend - who I also considered a sister - helped me through their departure. I watched as both became more popular with others in this world now that they no longer associated with the outcast one. Then I lost the one support I had; she is no longer in this world and left it at a young age.

I was crushed!
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Yesterday, when I got the text message telling me never to contact him again, he was quite angry and accusatory, though I have done nothing wrong. Apparently some friends of his have been telling him that I am a bad influence in his life. He's become reclusive toward me of late. All I did yesterday that provoked the response was ask for his new address so I could send him a Christmas card.

When he sent that message, I went through the emotions of a close-relationship breaking up. I remembered the laughs and conversations we shared. The long pondering chats about many different things. Then my mind pulled up time after time where I put my life on the side to help him, where I took from my meager funds and sent gift cards to make sure he had something to eat, only to hear later on about his widescreen HD TV and his iPad. All the hours I spent on the phone and via chat listening to him work out the problems in his life, paying exorbitant fees out of my pocket because we went over-the-limit on the company-provided cell phone. The times I sat with him long-distance via webcam while he detoxed and didn't want to be alone. I was the shoulder he cried on when his wife left, while the others around him took this as a chance to manipulate his mind further. All the help I provided in job hunts, apartment hunts, completing tax forms and many other things. I wanted to throw all this in his face and say, "Am I that worthless to you? Does none of this matter?"

I didn't.
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I couldn't. 

It was in the past and didn't matter. I had also seen many other plans we made, of his visiting my state one day, of me visiting his state, of us hanging out together laughing and just being the good friends we were. Gone.

Unlike the days when my sisters turned on me, this time an overwhelming sense of calm rolled over me. After I let the memories roll through my mind, the grievance of what may have been and what was dissipated in this calmness. With all the memories fresh in my mind, I turned to my Brother - who I know with absolute surety will never leave my side - and gave it to Him. After all, this man who was hurt and cutting off good friends for the sake of others in this world, was also His brother too. He will not turn away from either of us. Sometimes He needs to be a bridge between us when we cut others from our life.

I don't know what the future holds for this man, but I do know he is still my brother. He is still a part of me. Cut off as I am, all I can do now is bow my head and pray...