Time with God

What if you got a message that God wanted to meet you and sit a spell with you? What if you were told God is sitting on the front porch, front steps (or as we say in NYC, "front stoop") right now?

Would you be thrilled? Would you be happy? Would you be afraid? Would a jumble of all these well up inside?

When I was told God wanted to meet with me outside, just to sit outside the front door, I went beside myself. Part of me was joyous that God wanted to spend time with me. Part of me had that sinking feeling and the question, "What did I do wrong...?"

I dragged my feet. I mentally batted around the doubt that the request was real. I checked my email. I took my time getting dressed. But that request remained opened, the feeling inside confirmed it.

God was waiting.

So I went out to face the news, ready for a recrimination that I had not only did something to merit this talking to, but also that I've now had the audacity to keep God waiting. :(

But God wasn't waiting to yell at me or punish me. God simply wanted to spend time together, just the two of us. Sunrise seemed the perfect peaceful moment that God wanted to share with me. And the invitation wasn't just open to me, but to all of God's Children - each and every one of us.

Do we dare to set aside the time, before the crazy clutter of our routine and schedules? Before all the dark thoughts of doubt and fear block the bright thoughts from our mind, we can make a choice. We can take a few moments to sit with God just outside the front door, or we can try to tackle the day by ourselves.

Which will be more successful?

By request, I now spend some moments with God outside my front door daily. Some days I shiver, as frost lines the plants and steps around me.  Some days I shiver, as God's Peace fills me and gives me the strength and confidence to face my day. Some days I shiver, at the sheer wonder of the Blessing it is to sit with God for a quiet moment. No prayers. No requests. No apologies for the mistakes I've done. No demands. Often, no words at all. Just the two of us sitting side-by-side, sharing the moment. It is exhilarating!

And I invite you to do the same.

It is definitely worth it!

Images: Top from xroads.virginia.edu. The rest from the internet: sources unknown.

Saints and Begorrah

Growing up in the Catholic faith, I was surrounded by reminders of the saints: from paintings in the classrooms, to statues in the church next door, to studies of the various lives of saints across history, to the collection my mother had around the house. She even recently buried a statue of a saint on my deceased brother's property to quickly sell it. I have never understood that part of the Catholic faith.

If anything, my understanding of saints were that they were one more layer between me and God - and it wasn't an observation I treasured. Through the eyes of a child's ego, there was a pecking order that I learned:

• God the Father
• Jesus the Son
• Holy Spirit
• Angels (7 tiers)
• Mary (Mother of Christ)
• Saint Peter
• The other Apostles
• Saint Paul (formerly Saul)
• Other Saints
• The Pope
• Cardinals
• Archbishops
• Bishops
• Monsignors
• Priests
• Nuns
• Holy Men
• Holy Women
• Lowly sinners
• me

There is a lot of "red tape" between me and God. Thus, it was practically impossible to access God's ear. I'd have a better chance walking into a large corporation unknown and getting to talk with the CEO right away. Sometimes I wondered, why would God WANT to hear from me? He had all these other important people in line ahead of me.

I was also frustrated that all these other people, with their own ideas, perspectives and opinions, would add to, filter, or otherwise influence any message that may be sent down to me. There was no intimacy between God an myself, but all those "middle managers." In the years following, I learned to change that list:

• God (Father/Jesus/Spirit) as One
• (through the intercession of the Spirit)
• me

This simplified things and invited me to actively seek and participate in a meaningful conversation and develop a RELATIONSHIP with God. For a time, that worked.

For a time...

Yeshua (Jesus) has been pushing me to open my prayers to incorporate others. Not only praying for others (which I do); He means praying TO others - the saints and Mary.

I've gone back to praying the rosary, but to take petitions to St. Jude, Mary or others seems... foreign to me. Saying pre-written prayers seems cold and lifeless (spirit-less), and I wrestle with the parallel of praying to a "Saint of Such-and-Such" and the practices I've seen in pagan worship. They really are not so different...

Yeshua's answers to my arguments is that the saints are not needed for God and I to communicate. It is not a "ladder" (what I call "pecking order"). But the saints and Mary WANT to help us. Our prayers open us / our lives to that help.

I guess it is not dissimilar to when God works through another in this life, where (S)He is able to accomplish something just fine without our help. Because we WANT to help, God enables us and works through us.

We also need to be open to God's help in order to receive it ourselves. So it may be the same for the saints and Mary.

I learned that there is a point from which God, Yeshua, and others who have "gone before" us, actually exist beyond time. So to be able to affect things in "our time" is quite possible.

Yeshua has taught me that I am connected with all my brothers and sisters - past, present and future.

Maybe it is as simple as when I ask another online to say a prayer to help me through an IC/PBS flare or similar issue in life. We are all brothers and sisters...

... even beyond time.

+       +        +

Saints and Begorrah

Saints and By God

:D

Back in School

September is traditionally "Back-to-School" month here. As adults, some of us "rest on our laurels" when we are finished our formal education, believing we've finally finished learning.

And then - sometimes right away or sometimes many years later - we notice that the "laurels" upon which we  rest aren't growing as wide as our backsides upon which we also rest.

Continuing formal education is not an option for many, especially with the high cost of tuition and associated fees, or due to time constraints with job and/or family. But we should not let that stop us from learning. As we learn, we grow.

One of my favorite ways to learn has always been through books. I am comfortable with them; they have been a trusted friend since I was young - even the pile I was forced to read for all those English/Literature classes. Well... I never DID make it to the end of Jane Eyre. :P

Sometimes I try to go through the more educational tomes as well as the collection of fantasy books and fiction I enjoy reading for fun. I still haven't figured out who moved my cheese?

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the pile of "For Dummies" books on my desk at work. Since switching to Windows 7 (from XP) and to Microsoft Office 2010 (from 2003), I find myself in a world of frustration playing hide-and-go-seek with buttons and other features. But I continue to learn the technology too.

A new way I learn is via interactive conversations with others online, such as emails or chat. I also have started a love affair with the blog - both in writing and reading others. Even when I don't leave a comment, I still learn. It's like a coffee-shop classroom, where we learn from each other virtually, even though we never say a word face-to-face.

There is also the time needed to let it all sink in. I need to set aside some time out of my busy day (or extend that day by getting up a bit earlier) and ask the Spirit within to be my teacher. I need to understand what God wants me to learn from all that I see, hear, read, and experience. Osmosis doesn't always work; learning takes place at a much deeper level.

Over the past two weeks, I've connected with a young man in India who is studying to be a Catholic priest.

While he expresses his amazement that God has connected him with someone who brings much for him to learn, the fact has not been lost on me that it's a two-way street. I've started to learn many things from him as well.

I now have an opportunity to learn how to teach through interaction with others, and I found a stepping stone that Yeshua (Jesus) has given me.

 

Those that read my blog regularly know that I have many gripes about the Catholic Church, and have been quite vocal about it here. I also know Yeshua wants me reconciled with the Church. I don't know why, but because He asks it, I want to do so. This opportunity that has been placed before me is a learning experience.

September is back-to-school month, and Yeshua definitely has a hand in my curriculum. Of that, I am both very glad and quite grateful.

:D

Quantum Leap

In last night's dreams, I lived a few moments of others' lives, people I've never met before. This has happened previously, giving me a chance to see many different walks of life.

The dreams are like an old TV-show called Quantum Leap, where the main character jumps into the life of another, any part of the world, any time period, male or female. There's a few minutes of complete confusion, as he figures out who he is and what's happening.

However, I don't have an assistant that no one sees with a blinking Lego-like device in his hand reading off the stats and information. It is there, though, in my mind. For those few minutes, I AM the person, sharing their memories. Yet, I hold those memories long after I wake up.

Some memorable and very detailed snippets include:

• a child huddles on a mattress against the wall in a war-torn country; the skittering sounds of insects cross the floor in the waiting silence, and there is a taste of dust from the air
• a young child sits half-bored as his grandfather tells of  past snowball fights using trash-can lids as shields; behind the bored look, the nugget of an idea "I can do that too" blooms
• a girl, just about to leave high school and go to college, still struggles to understand who she is inside, when all her friends seem to know who they are and enjoy life to the fullest
• an exhilarating ride on a roller-coaster through the dark with lights all around is followed by a friend's nudge and nod to ride it again
• a pregnant mother sits quietly in a warm sunbeam, as she caresses her barely extended middle and wonders what her daughter's life will be, imagining both wonders and worries
• a young mother at her wits end and the verge of tears, tries to manage three wild preschool-aged children in her care, exhausted and desperate for help with no where to turn
• a father enjoys his weekend with the kids, playing games well into the night, despite the backlash he will receive from his ex-wife; this is his time to hear about their lives and see the light shining in their young eyes
• a mother colors pages with her two children at the table very recently cleared of dinner plates; it was a long day at work and school, and they share a moment of fun, trying to ignore the dishes, homework and work brought home that anxiously await their attention
• a woman in a ghetto prays right after her half-grown son left to seek vengeance, sweating in fear as tears stream down her cheeks; she half-expects the knock to announce news that he was shot, but desperately prays that it would not be so
• a father helps his daughter move out on her own, proud of the woman she has become but still wonders who will be there to watch over and protect her when she is so far away from him
• a woman, working as a store clerk and depending on sales commission, paces the store floor and worries about the bills at home; the store is empty of customers - again
• a man works on a bridge, trusting his full weight to straps and clips as he arm-wrestles a rusted bolt loose and ignores the churning water and boats passing several hundred feet below his dangling boots
• a woman enjoys a moment of peace and solitude away from her office job, gazing at a lone dandelion growing in a sparse bit of green; she then decides to share the remainder of her sandwich with the birds fluttering at her feet and in overhead tree branches; the gentle breeze that rustles the leaves is filled with the songs of city life
• a middle-aged man walks through the temptations of goodies in the workplace cafeteria, after he promised his wife he'd stick to a diet; a major guilt trip follows two oreo cookies, making them taste like sawdust
• a middle-aged woman sits for a spell, speaking to her neighbor on the steps of her home in a low-income neighborhood; after trading news, she's accepts the invitation into the neighbor's kitchen, where they share a cup of  tea - and some good gossip
• an older man tries to find work, knowing he competes against younger candidates fresh out of college with the latest IT skills (and even the HR person is young); thoughts about what to say to the family when THIS job falls through dance in the mind, making it harder to understand the questions
• a person atop a mountain range, snow bright peaks all around, pushes back the faux-fur lined hood to feel the sunshine and cold breeze touch a bare head; the frosty air inhaled is a moment of pure bliss after a long fight to survive cancer, eyes close in wonder of the moment of life
• a homeless man on the street huddles in an large three-sided box with one open side against the brick wall, listening half-asleep for footsteps that may help or harm
• a man rejoices in his lover's embrace, exhausted and excited, following a long wedding day, looking forward to a life together
• a woman in a shelter rooms with three strangers, where she cannot sleep but cannot leave to go for a calming walk either, or she will loose her place where it is warm, so many strange sounds and smells surround her
• an elderly woman shares a can of cat food with her only companion, a white cat with a blotch of brownish-black on its back: a companion very much loved and of which she is so very grateful to have in this cold world, so she uses the "good dishes"
• a gentle smile and warm feeling grows in an old man, as a widow makes it clear that she is interested; no matter how old and bald, there's still life inside that someone wants to know better

How easy is it for me to look at another's life and judge a situation from my own perspective? How often have I stepped back and looked at things through their eyes instead?

.

There is far too much to experience in this life than one person can do. Can you imagine what the planner would look like if we did? But we are not alone; we can learn from each other, as simple as genuinely listening. 

.

Together we can shine like we can never do alone!