My Sister, the Camel

At times, the hardest people to forgive are those closest to you, such as a family member.We argue that we know them too well and that they will never change. Who are we to say "never?"

I continue to struggle with my feelings about my sister. (Yes, that picture is actually us, six years apart in age.)

For two nights in a row, I've had dreams that involved the grudge I have against my little sister. Given that my Twitter account lists me as "His (Jesus') Little Sister," who certainly needs His forgiveness, why is it so hard to forgive my own little sister and look past some of the things she says and does?

I will admit, there is a lot of jealousies, almost all on my side. I was the oldest child in the family, the one who had to help my parents and was responsible for my three younger siblings. She was the youngest and got away with everything. My parents had very little income as I grew up; I've shoveled snow, babysat, and delivered papers since I was 10 to pay for each treat. When I was in high-school, my father landed a lucrative means of income, and my sister got everything for which she asked without having to work for it. I worked 20-70 hours per week since I was 16. While fortunate enough to have some of my college expenses paid (I know many who never had that chance), I worked in the college cafeteria 35-hours per week to help cover the rest of my bills, and up to 70 hours over the summer with all the work I could find. In college, my sister rode on coat-tails of luxury and had an off-campus apartment paid for by my parents. She would take summers off because she "worked" so hard in school, including three years at law school, which was also covered in full.

As young adults, the divide only grew. I've struggled to pay bills in lower-income brackets where "vacation" was a 3-day weekend at a friend's house. My sister landed high-income jobs from the start and has gone on at least one (up to three) cruises a year.

My sister had one of the first of my nieces and nephews; I've never been blessed with kids of my own but so desperately wanted one. Having low income, I hand-crafted teddy bears, hidden-pocket pillows and other unique gifts for the kids, but those gifts were often left behind compared to the X-box games and other high-end gifts that I could never give anyone, including myself. Matters only became more estranged when my parents announced that the grandchildren would inherit everything after they were gone. To this day my sister strives to have even more kids after the first two; part of me wonders if this is to get a larger portion of the estate once my mother is gone... She even had the audacity to ask my husband and I - the childless couple with little income - to donate money into a fund to help her adopt kids from overseas! Then she asked us to ask our friends for money too.

Having little means myself, I grew up to have a heart for others who have little and give as often as I could, in time, money or from my own closet. My sister on the other hand, will frequently gripe about the "hand outs" and "free ride" those that are on social support receive.

She bitched about the "free cell phones" where recycled old phones were reprogrammed so homeless and poor could dial "911" in an emergency. Yet, in her mind, they were calling long distance to yak for hours on end with their relatives.

She derides people on food stamps, believing "they should just go out and work for a living like I do." My sister has never been hungry in her life; I've had several weeks with only generic cereal (dry) and cheap generic spaghetti. Once, I even had a stretch where I had to rely on the kindness of strangers to supply one good meal a day; I worked three part-time jobs at the time. I've even been homeless once, and was blessed as a friend took me in for a few months until I could get another place.

Her most recent rant involves the FHA loan (where the government helps low-income households purchase a home). Last year she sold her 3-bedroom house with a finished basement to upgrade to one of those McMansions that bloomed everywhere in the market boom. The family that purchased her old home financed through FHA, and she recently heard from a former neighbor that they were painting the home. Not any major remodeling, mind you, just a fresh coat of paint. She went on a lengthy tirade how the government shouldn't be supplementing mortgages for people who could afford to do that! In fact, they shouldn't support people at all. Let them work for a living, like she does. She didn't even realize that her rants were presented to two people who have yet to afford their first home - even with FHA financing....

Though we are sisters, we are completely different people. She sees others as either people she could use to help better her status (networking) or her life (by them serving her). I see people as my brothers and sisters whom I am called to help. Though, I do find it harder to relate to people who have so little kindness for the least of us; and the more wealth they seem to have, the less they seem to care about others. I don't hate them, I don't think I truly could hate anyone. But I do become angry, and afterwards I feel sad for them; they just don't "get it."

Perhaps that's why Yeshua taught that it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle, than for the rich to enter the Kingdom. This is true, and it is those for whom we should pray. They are blind and they need His healing to help them see...

This past Christmas, we exchanged the typical "wish lists" among the family. Instead of what I would like under the tree, I created a list of charities, such as food banks, Samaritan's Purse and similar humanitarian aid organizations to which my husband and I would like to contribute more, if we had the means. The rest of my family got me gift certificates to restaurants and things not on that list.

My sister was the only one who made a donation in my name to one of the agencies. There is hope.

Over Easter this year, my sister took her family on a cruise for one of their three major vacations. On Easter morning, she was out on a land excursion in San Juan and heading out to breakfast with her family. She spied a hungry homeless person on the street near the restaurant and purchased a hot meal and coffee for him. There is hope...

My job is to strive to be the best example for her in this life; I am her big sister after all. That, and I need to forgive her. She's said and done some rotten things about others in her past; she may likely continue to do so in the future; it takes time for some to change completely. But if I continue to forgive her, to pray for her, to shine a good example for her, hopefully she will begin to hear the Spirit within her as well. And change....

There is always hope.

:*)