Fear and Doubt

There is much in this world we fear. There are many things we doubt - about ourselves and others. Just what is fear and doubt and what role do they play?

Ever since I was a child, I've seen and heard images of a devil (adversary) that temps us. Whether we believe there's a devil out to get us, that there's an ego that will mislead us, there's a tug of light and dark energies on our souls, or there's a battle between two wolves at the core of our being, humanity has come to recognize there are internal influences of we need to be aware to understand ourselves.

There are things we call temptations. These are bright things that our minds covet: delicious food, wealth, luxury, a new car, a better hand-held toy, a better position at work, a more attractive body, fame and popularity, to have others hang on to our every word... the list goes on and on.

Yet, there is something I've come to learn. That is only the carrot; there is also a stick. While we may learn to dismiss the carrot, the stick lies even closer to our hearts. That is the doubts and fears that dance in us:

• What will God think about me?
• What will my parents think about me?
• What will my siblings think about me?
• Will I pass my exams in school?
• What will the teacher think about me?
• What will my friends think about me?
• What will my enemies think about me?
• Will I earn enough to pay the bills?
• What will my boss think about me?
• What will my co-workers think about me?
• Will have have this job tomorrow?
• What will others think about me?
• Did I do the right thing?
• Is there a better way?
• Will I get sick?
• Will I get hurt?
• Why do people hurt each other?
• Why is there greed and corruption?
• Don't people care about each other anymore?
• Will I be killed?
• Why are there so many bad people?
• Should I say something?
  
• Am I one of them?
• Why do people lie?
• What will people say about me, and what will others that hear their words think about me?
• What do others see when they look at me, when they look at what I have?
• Why can't I be appreciated for what I do?
• Why can't I have all that I want?
• Why am I deprived of what I need?
• Why doesn't anyone understand me?
• Why doesn't anyone understand what I'm going through?
• Why am I unhappy?
• When will this pain come to an end?
• Why am I so miserable?
• Why can't people let go of the past?
• Why do people hate so much?
• Why can't people love me?
• Why am I alone?
• Why am I unlovable?
• Why do I need to keep up with this life?
• Life is not worth living; I can't do this anymore...

As any counselor or psychiatrist will tell you, these are the thoughts that lead to depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicide. And as anyone who is honest with themselves will admit, many of these thoughts have crossed our mind too. My readers know I have them; they're in the blog.

But we all have them - even when we try to hide them from ourselves. Yeshua (Jesus) had doubts and fears. During His life here, He was as fully human as we are in this existence. But He acknowledged this; He faced the fears and doubts. He knew alone, He could not overcome them. Yeshua also knew that He was not alone - God was with Him. But that did not mean He didn't feel these feelings, that these questions didn't bounce through His skull. Even on the cross, the "Why am I alone?" rose in His mind as He cried out "Father, why have you forsaken me?"

Is there a magic pill, a prayer, a phrase that will make all this disappear forever? If only this was so easy... There is one way I have learned - both through my dreams and this life's existence. That is, first, to acknowledge that there is a fear or doubt in our mind. Then, that must be faced - head on, even when it scares the crap out of you. To deny it, to hide it, only helps it to grow, and it will continue to babble happily away until all hope and joy are leached from your life.

When we admit to it, we help bring it to the Light. It is only then that we discover what our fears and doubts truly are: shadows. While they seem large and frightening in the dark corners of our mind, when we bring them to the Light - when we face them - we discover how inconsequential they truly are. In fact, they don't even exist. They belong to the realm of "what ifs." We have all seen what happens when we shine a Light on a shadow, it disappears and we see more clearly.

Frank Herbert's Dune contains a litany against fear that sums this up beautifully:

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......

Only I will remain.

Yes, what I say here does work. Yes, it is not easy, but it is worth it! Yes, it is quite frightening, but we are never alone.

God is with us. I have found the Lord's Prayer (Our Father) a very useful means of fighting against my inner fears. It's both a shield and declaration. It's one I have memorized to the point where I can still say it when all other words fail. There are other mantras and prayers in this world too. What shines brightest to you is what can be used for this. God knows our hearts; and (S)He will reach out, even when fear is blinding us from this.

We are also all together, one humanity shining bright against the darkness.