Sulk

Often I like to envision myself like the image to the left.

I am confident.

I am a beloved child of God.

I am following the Spirit within me.

I am sharing God's Light and Love.

All is well.

I'm connected with my brothers and sisters.

All is right in the world.

But I'm a big girl and know this is not always the case.

Like today.

There are days where I will dig in my heals and fight against what I am guided to do.
 

Given our free will, the Spirit will figuratively toss up its hands and warn that we will not be happy.

For today's sulk, I wanted to tweet. I was up early, but after a few tweets, I kept being drawn to work.

Technically, I don't have to be at the office until 8 am, and it was 5:30. I had already emailed my boss that I'll be out with a stomach flu, but I was also expected to generate my weekly reports this morning.

Those reports took a LOT longer than I expected. It may have taken less time if I didn't keep fighting and tried to back to Twitter, or farmville or anything but work. But even with the fight, they were done by 9 am.

In a half-hour, my boss emailed me with a list of "hot" reports that needed to be done by noon. Then two more reports added to that list, which took me until 1 pm.

By 1 pm, I was physically and mentally exhausted. The flu bug had taken it's toll and I was ready for a nap. But the work was also done; I could sleep in relative peace.

It wasn't until I woke up around 3:30 that I realized how much I was sulking through the morning. It's now 5 pm and I never got back to the tweets that *I* wanted to do. But (as my cell phone rings again from the boss as I type this!) there are other responsibilities.

I cannot easily forget an earlier post, where I state that if I follow God's Will, the mundane work will be slid into the schedule effortlessly as well as all (S)He wants me to do.

Was it God's Will that I tweet today? Or was it my desire?

I have to face the truth of the matter: am I really following God's Will when I want to do things *my* way?

Or am I just sulking?

And, let's face it, we never out-grow the sulk.

:D

Early Morning Song

Good morning, readers!

Many forgot that Yeshua is an early riser. Even though I have a daily reminder between 3:30 and 4:00 am (regardless when I go to bed), this fact can also be found in the standard gospels.

In Mark 1:35, "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed."(NIV)

In John 21:4, "Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus."

In John 8:2, "At dawn He appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around Him, and He sat down to teach them."

Many of us today, may hit the snooze button on the alarm clocks, groggily locate the coffee fixings, rush through our daily routine before work, or pull our hair out getting the kids up and out the door in time for the school bus. 

But if we get up before everyone else in the house, we notice that it's quiet. In some areas, the streets themselves are quiet, even whole towns. One can hear the birds sing even before the first light of day reaches the sky.

It is a time of Peace. It is a time for prayer. It is a time to reflect on our blessings - everywhere.

It is a point at which we can leave the past behind, and start anew, with a song of Joy in our heart.

This is the day

The Lord has made

Let us rejoice

And be glad in it

~ Psalm 118:24

Divisions and Connections

Someone once asked me what I value most in this world. My response was, "Seeing other people cross dividing lines and work together.

There are many in this world who would divide. We are divided by geography, income, politics, religions, genders, lifestyle, cultures, and languages. Some thrill at diving people and putting each in our place. But are we not all one - humanity? Do we not all have the same color blood running in our veins? Do we not all live under the same sky, where the moon and sun touch our lives?

I've even seen fellow Christians bicker among themselves over who has what right. People quote the bible as an excuse to draw lines. "If you're not with me; you're against me!" or "Christ came to divide sheep and goats, so I am called to do likewise!" Say WHAT?!?

Do you really believe that is what Yeshua (Jesus) wants? Did He not tend to the Roman centurion and the Samaritans as well as the Jews? Did He not reach out to everyone who crossed his path, and tell a beautiful story of blessing for the one that stepped across a dividing line to help a fellow human being?

Once, I attended a healing Mass with my husband and in-laws. My mother-in-law is Protestant, and thus cannot receive communion in the Catholic church. When the priest saw that she did not come up, he approached her after finishing the line. She refused demurely. When asked why, she explained that she was Protestant and not allowed. To emphasize, she put her hands before her mouth. The priest pulled down her hands, put the Eucharist in her palms and said firmly, "That doesn't matter." There were whispers all around us; many had plans to report this priest to the church. But I Bless this priest for what he had done. He crossed that line to extend Love.

My last blog post was about fear and doubt. Now, I will illustrate why this is something that needs to be overcome. Fear divides us from our fellow human beings. We fear them, whether we see that as despising them, hating them, or cutting ourselves from them. We are running as fast as we can in the opposite direction, even when we don't admit it to ourselves.

Fear can also be used by others to keep us quiet, obedient to their greed and desires, and have us fear and fight each other.Fear is used to divide us. Fear is used to keep us from saying or doing something to change things - especially when things should be changed!

Why?

Because, division is the antithesis of what humanity is actually growing towards and what we can be. There is a statement that practically screams from my being when I see how much fear has crippled what we can be.

We can achieve far more together than the sum of our individual efforts.

Together - as one.

When we are divided and running in so many different directions, we fail in that. How much can we do working together? Even as recent as one generation ago, we walked on the surface of the moon.

But we can do much more. When people work together, they erase the dividing lines. They unite in heart and mind and create something strong and lasting.

We create a better world, a brighter world.

We come up with solutions to this life's problems, with no loss to any, no answering to corporate greed that sees the poor masses beneath its notice.

We bring Peace into our lives and our world. 

We bring Love to live in our lives and the lives of every one of our sisters and brothers.

We are all one, though fear tries to tell us differently.  Let Light shine to dissolve the fear - and bring us a better world.
  

Fear and Doubt

There is much in this world we fear. There are many things we doubt - about ourselves and others. Just what is fear and doubt and what role do they play?

Ever since I was a child, I've seen and heard images of a devil (adversary) that temps us. Whether we believe there's a devil out to get us, that there's an ego that will mislead us, there's a tug of light and dark energies on our souls, or there's a battle between two wolves at the core of our being, humanity has come to recognize there are internal influences of we need to be aware to understand ourselves.

There are things we call temptations. These are bright things that our minds covet: delicious food, wealth, luxury, a new car, a better hand-held toy, a better position at work, a more attractive body, fame and popularity, to have others hang on to our every word... the list goes on and on.

Yet, there is something I've come to learn. That is only the carrot; there is also a stick. While we may learn to dismiss the carrot, the stick lies even closer to our hearts. That is the doubts and fears that dance in us:

• What will God think about me?
• What will my parents think about me?
• What will my siblings think about me?
• Will I pass my exams in school?
• What will the teacher think about me?
• What will my friends think about me?
• What will my enemies think about me?
• Will I earn enough to pay the bills?
• What will my boss think about me?
• What will my co-workers think about me?
• Will have have this job tomorrow?
• What will others think about me?
• Did I do the right thing?
• Is there a better way?
• Will I get sick?
• Will I get hurt?
• Why do people hurt each other?
• Why is there greed and corruption?
• Don't people care about each other anymore?
• Will I be killed?
• Why are there so many bad people?
• Should I say something?
  
• Am I one of them?
• Why do people lie?
• What will people say about me, and what will others that hear their words think about me?
• What do others see when they look at me, when they look at what I have?
• Why can't I be appreciated for what I do?
• Why can't I have all that I want?
• Why am I deprived of what I need?
• Why doesn't anyone understand me?
• Why doesn't anyone understand what I'm going through?
• Why am I unhappy?
• When will this pain come to an end?
• Why am I so miserable?
• Why can't people let go of the past?
• Why do people hate so much?
• Why can't people love me?
• Why am I alone?
• Why am I unlovable?
• Why do I need to keep up with this life?
• Life is not worth living; I can't do this anymore...

As any counselor or psychiatrist will tell you, these are the thoughts that lead to depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicide. And as anyone who is honest with themselves will admit, many of these thoughts have crossed our mind too. My readers know I have them; they're in the blog.

But we all have them - even when we try to hide them from ourselves. Yeshua (Jesus) had doubts and fears. During His life here, He was as fully human as we are in this existence. But He acknowledged this; He faced the fears and doubts. He knew alone, He could not overcome them. Yeshua also knew that He was not alone - God was with Him. But that did not mean He didn't feel these feelings, that these questions didn't bounce through His skull. Even on the cross, the "Why am I alone?" rose in His mind as He cried out "Father, why have you forsaken me?"

Is there a magic pill, a prayer, a phrase that will make all this disappear forever? If only this was so easy... There is one way I have learned - both through my dreams and this life's existence. That is, first, to acknowledge that there is a fear or doubt in our mind. Then, that must be faced - head on, even when it scares the crap out of you. To deny it, to hide it, only helps it to grow, and it will continue to babble happily away until all hope and joy are leached from your life.

When we admit to it, we help bring it to the Light. It is only then that we discover what our fears and doubts truly are: shadows. While they seem large and frightening in the dark corners of our mind, when we bring them to the Light - when we face them - we discover how inconsequential they truly are. In fact, they don't even exist. They belong to the realm of "what ifs." We have all seen what happens when we shine a Light on a shadow, it disappears and we see more clearly.

Frank Herbert's Dune contains a litany against fear that sums this up beautifully:

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......

Only I will remain.

Yes, what I say here does work. Yes, it is not easy, but it is worth it! Yes, it is quite frightening, but we are never alone.

God is with us. I have found the Lord's Prayer (Our Father) a very useful means of fighting against my inner fears. It's both a shield and declaration. It's one I have memorized to the point where I can still say it when all other words fail. There are other mantras and prayers in this world too. What shines brightest to you is what can be used for this. God knows our hearts; and (S)He will reach out, even when fear is blinding us from this.

We are also all together, one humanity shining bright against the darkness.

Prophet?

An earlier post speaks of my doubt that I am a prophet. To be more specific, I will not be what comes to mind when people think of the word "prophet."

Many are self- proclaimed prophets, who may have contact with the divine and receive a valid message to share. Yet, when asked, they present a tagline and say, "If you want to know more, buy my book" (or similar).

No, I will not be like that. I do have a message I try to share on Twitter, in my blogs, in my stories... free of charge. I was not charged anything when I received it, who am I to gain financially from it? That would be a "profit" not "prophet."

There are two statements given me as I try to understand the role for which I was called. They are:

I am unforeseen; I am unrecognized; I will do what I am here to do, and I will depart from this world still unknown.

I will not know what I am called to do, until after I have accomplished it.

These were quite a blow to my ego. Yet, they bring Peace to my heart and soul.

Unforeseen ~ There is no blueprint that I nor anyone else will look to and try to get me to match. I do not have to meet anyone's concepts or obligations. That includes my own, as I don't know what it is I am called to do.

Unrecognized ~ A voice in the crowd often is far more effective than one at the podium. This also takes away all temptation for fame and fortune that the ego tries to lay at my feet. The ones in the spotlight need to maintain a certain "image." None of these apply; I am to be One with my brothers and sisters on this journey.

I will do ~ It took a while to get this to sink in. God sees that I succeed. In truth, beyond time, it is already done. This helps to override the fears that I will not fulfill my work, that something will be done wrong, or left undone. My readers will see these fears and doubts appear in this blog from time-to-time. I know that all these fears and doubts are from my ego, and I continue to learn to trust. I am still on that journey.

Unknown ~ Beyond my day-to-day life as a wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, friend, and office manager at a very small company, where I do my best to follow the teachings of our Brother, Yeshua (Jesus), there is nothing special about me. I'm just like everyone else. Where I share God's Love and messages I receive, I do so anonymously. The truth of the matter is this: The message is more important than the ones who share it. The spotlight should always be on God, never on me.

The message is for all, not one. I am not important. While my ego strives against this knowledge, bringing frets to my mind, this understanding also brings my heart and soul Peace. I don't have a public image to maintain, or even guess what it is. The chattering of my ego is inconsequential and can be safely ignored.

I really do NOT know what it is I am to do, when, and how. It can be quite frightening. The unknown usually is. I need to continue to Trust God, day-by-day, moment-by-moment, that He will guide me in who to speak with and what to say. For I have also come to realize that I do not understand things completely, even the smallest thing. When I insist on my will, my way - letting the ego take the reigns - I will do it wrong. If I see the goal, when I do not really understand the way, I will try to do it MY WAY. And I will fail. I can make things worse, for myself and for others.

That is why I need to let go ~ let God. And why the unknown applies to my own understanding. I need blind Trust in this life.

Even though it can frighten the ego

who realizes all control is slipping from its grasp.

When I focus not on me, but on others

and what they need... that fear fades fast.

Just Be

There is one thing I am told over and over again whenever I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or when there is not Peace in my heart, mind and soul... That is: "Just Be."

I never realized how following two simple words can be such a challenge in this life. 

My mind never stops working, asleep and awake. There is always thoughts running through it, even intruding when I meditate and pray.

The past always seems to haunt me, what has happened, what I blundered, what I could have said or done differently, what others could have said or done differently, wondering about the intentions for the past scenes that are well beyond the closing curtain of time...

The future is another fun hobby of my mind. It jumps to what is scheduled for the day, the ever-growing to-do list, the plans I have for the future, the plans I'd like to have for the future, and even wondering what I will face when I close my eyes forever to this existence and move completely beyond.

Then, if I'm actually able to push both past and future from my mind, my creative side answers the call on line two. Stories I've been working on in my mind spring to life, new ones start to burble away. Things I want to tweet dance in my head, as well as the non-stop projection of fantasy.

My fantasy facility is a huge megaplex! There are so many events, stories, even alternate lives I live in the confines of my fantasy. This is different than creating stories to tell; this is stepping through the looking glass.

When I was the outcast one, both at home and at school, I had only my fantasies to turn to. They've become quite skillful in drawing me into a world where I am loved, accepted, and shine in such a positive light. But I know, now, this is only my imagination, it is not reality until I am able to do these things in the now.

Thus we get back to the request: Just BE.

Our minds have been used to distract us from something. Our fantasies are the sweet candy to lure us from a life we despise to an illusion, rather than helping us change what we despise. Whether my reader considers this a tool of the adversary (devil, ego or dark side of the force), or just a stumbling block that is within humanity, we can overcome this.

There is a difference between "living in the now" and just being. The first step forward IS to focus on the present. We need to become aware of everything around us, people, places, events, life! We can do this intermittently when we pause and just experience life. Also when we pray or meditate, not the times we say prayers to God or focus on our breathing, but the moments when we are completely still and just listen and feel.

How little we pause from our non-stop thinking and doing? How often do we disconnect from the internet, from reading, from doing, from speaking, from thinking. Just stop in complete stillness where we can feel the air touch our skin and move in and out of our lungs, feel our heart beating in our chest, and observe all that is around us as though we are experiencing it all for the very first time?

That is part of the problem our minds present. We are constantly thinking, even when we don't realize it. When we observe something, we really don't see it, hear it, touch it, taste it, feel it, smell it - we don't fully observe. Our minds are wired in a way that the tiniest of observations will automatically draw from our vast storehouse of experience. Our minds run through all the times our senses have experienced the same, and we don't experience it fully as we do the first time.

This is the reason we naturally observe things that are out-of-place or different than we expect more, rather than all things as they currently are. We are far more likely to react to a cup of coffee where the creamer has turned sour or the sweetener is missing than just the cup of coffee itself.

For example, take your routine beverage you drink every day. Even before it sits before you, you know what it looks like, what it tastes like, what it smells like, what it will feel like in your mouth, the weight of the container that holds it, how that container will feel like in your hands. You even recall having it in the past, possibly including the first time this beverage crossed your lips. It's all there - in your mind, ready to leap from the drawer in which it was filed.

Now, try to clear your mind of all this; clear you mind completely of the past experiences. Clear your mind of future thoughts, where you anticipate a repetition of how everything will be. Try - focus - to experience it for the first time. Don't just drink it down, savor every experience, ever sensation each and every one of your senses are telling you.

That is living in the now.

That is the first step.

The next step is even trickier - the just be part. But, as I've been told, is not so difficult when one can fully live in the present moment often enough. For you see, God is not in our past; God is not in our future; (S)He is in the present moment - eternally. The past and future are in our minds; God is outside of time. The present - the now - is where God connects with us.

Yes, God was with us in what we perceive as the past - when we experienced the past as now. God will be with us when we reach what we currently perceive is the future - when we also experience that as now. But only when it's experienced as now.

Yesterday, I had several lengthy moments (several minutes of duration), where - without even trying - I was living in the now. While I have tried to reach this point through exercises and mediation for years, this just happened to naturally occur on its own.

Everything, every breath was new. Every little thing my eyes saw from the fluttering leaves, to flying birds, to the texture of walls and roof tiles - was as though I saw it for the first time. Everything I heard from the crunch of car tires, to people conversing - not just the words but the tone, timbre, pitch and pure music of their voices, to the wind rustling the leaves and stirring the air around me, all new. The scents, from the moist soil in the garden beds, the cooking from all the surrounding restaurants, even the scent of my own hair and clothes - was being experienced. I felt the wind through my hair, tugging at my clothing and brushing my exposed cheeks and hands. I felt the ground beneath my feet, the worn spots of my sneakers, the shift of my clothing as my body moved. It was all for the first time.

There was something else I observed as I experienced these moments. It was an awareness of how connected I was to everything around me. While my mind understood some concept that we are all interconnected, to our fellow human beings and everything around us, this was not at all what I pictured during those mental exercises. I'd pictured sort of a mind-shift dual picture - my body, his/her body where I'd experience both. But it's not. It's just an awareness that I'm ... beyond, for lack of a better word, the body. I experience all that the body does, but at the same time, I am completely part of all that is around me. A mental expansion, I guess. I was one with the wind, with other people, with the pavement, with the trees, with it all. In harmony.

And I experienced that too - for the first time.

I think this is a half-step toward the Just Be. For I do understand something about that. Just being isn't what I described above. That's part of it, but there is a whole other element. We must not only relinquish past and future (and fantasy) in our minds, we must also relinquish our independent will. Does this mean doing everything another person tells us? No. This means taking a step outside our own personal wants, wishes and safe place and finding that joint will - finding the place where humanity and the divine wills meet. For that is where God meets us, completely.

When we reach a point where we can Just Be, God works through us, in milliseconds or through a whole life. It will be the duration of our own choosing, how long we set aside our independent will.

I do not speak of avatars or possessions, I speak of joint-wills, connecting us with our fellow human beings and with God. For every time we make a decision ourselves, when we think about what words we say, when we plan what we will do - we think and will independently. There is a beautiful saying that sums it up nicely:

Let go. ~ Let GOD.

From there, the blessings will certainly flow.

Pray with Me

This week, a Twitter contact asked, "Will you pray with me?" After missing each other a few times online, we synched up. I wasn't quite sure what he wanted, but I've never turned down an opportunity to pray with someone or for someone. But it quickly became obvious, he was expecting me to take the lead.

He wanted me to say the words, to ask God to heal his father. I've never done that before. I've prayed many times, certainly. But that was by myself in the privacy of my heart. I've listened as other people prayed, praying with them.

But to be the one that speaks the words...?

I cannot tell you how small I felt in that moment. How... inconsequential. One of my brothers was placing his trust in me, asking me to lead him in prayers to our Father. How could I do this?

How would I know the right words? I really didn't know this person well. Should I say Father or Lord or God? Do I say Christ, Jesus or Yeshua? Should I say anything at all?

I walked away from the laptop -- trembling. I wanted to hide. I felt like a small child whose discovered she's responsible for something far more than she can handle.

I prayed.

I prayed for guidance. I prayed for words. I prayed for help.

I prayed for courage, for I did not want to leave my brother hanging, especially when it takes courage on his part to ask this of me.

Then I sat back at the computer and let the words come as they may, praying them as my fingers typed them.  Then I read through them twice more, praying them with all my heart.


Tears were streaming down my face before I finished typing and continued as I continued to pray. I felt... connected... to the one to whom my words were reaching.

For all the hemming and hawing beforehand, the words were simple and to the point. Broken into segments due to the nature of Twitter. This is what I DM'ed this person, not really knowing him, his dad or his family. I only knew he asked me to pray for his father's healing.

• May Christ extend His healing hand and gently touch your father, granting strength to his heart and his body. May your father receive His healing.
• May Love extend outward to encompass you and family too. May a circle of Love encompass your father and all. May hearts know Peace.
• May all be guided in what's best at this time; may hearts find courage. May Love heal all rifts and bring all together in Christ's love.
• Let that Love heal your father. Let his heart know Peace and his body know healing. May he take strength from Christ and family.
• May there be a time of rejoicing in your hearts, replacing all fears and worry.
• We ask this in the name of Jesus the Christ... Amen.

I spent the next half-hour worried and wondering. This was the first time I did this. Did I do it right? I didn't know for certain there were any rifts in the family, but for some reason I was aware there was something when I was typing. The healing needed to be on more than one level, but I wasn't sure how I was aware of this. At all.

I was pretty much blind as I could not see this person's face, nor hear his voice. Just the words on the screen. And I didn't see any response from him at all...

Thirty minutes later, I got a DM back "Bless You Amun"

I'm still not sure if I did it right. Doubt still plagues my mind. There is no "sure and easy" answer. I've gotten some reassurance that it does get easier with practice. That I did OK and confidence will come in time. No worries...

Though, I admit, I still feel like a kid whose training wheels were just taken off their bike.

Discourse on Intercourse

There are some conversations I have with Yeshua about what I see in the world. One of these was His take on a three letter word that many religious leaders have taken a stand on - intercourse. 

Yes, intercourse is more than three letters, but I do speak of physical intercourse, also known as sex.

An excellent blog I read today about Jesus and homosexuality brought an earlier conversation I had with Yeshua to mind.

Here, I try my best to restate how Yeshua described His perspective on the subject of sex.

First, there is a violent act, where one will have intercourse with another as a means of physical domination. This is not for love, nor procreation, nor pleasure. This is known as rape.

Second, there is the act where one or more partners will have physical intercourse with another for the sake of pleasuring the body alone. This often leaves the ones who do this feeling empty inside.

Third, there are those who will perform the actions of physical intercourse for the purpose of acquiring something. This can be for money, favors, fame, reputation, raises, promotions, control and/or manipulation of a person or situation. Sometimes only one person is the one who does this, sometimes more than one.

Finally, there is the union where two or more people physically express their love for each other and completely let down all barriers between themselves, giving themselves completely to another.

Only the last one is acceptable.

Of course, many may question a few things.

• Is masturbation wrong? Not exactly. It falls into the second type of physical intercourse, and it leaves one feeling empty - and alone. But there is nothing wrong, according to Yeshua, with "scratching the itch" (using a current euphemism) to alleviate physical tension of the body.

• Is homosexuality wrong? There's nothing above that says it is. When Leviticus was written, the Israelites believed that fathers lived on in their sons. No sons=no lifeline. Thus homosexuality was prohibited for males. It never really says no for women, just no bestiality for both.

• Do we need to get married? Nothing above states this. In fact, Yeshua is quoted in the New Testament as saying there are no husbands and wives in Heaven. Marriage is a contract created by humanity. Love is all that is required to meet the fourth type above.

• Doesn't some of that sound polygamous? Yes. But Yeshua also lived in a polygamous society. The bible doesn't define a marriage as "between a man and wife" but "between a man and one or more wives" then goes on to mention concubines. Our monogamous marriages are a more recent addition to our lifestyles. It's never been a requirement; so yes, the Mormons have that part right. :P

• What about a woman having one or more husbands? Sigh. While one can argue the bible was written by men in a male-dominated society where women had little means of income and very limited rights. Things are different today. Right? But I must sadly admit, there are two things that will prevent this. First, my sisters and I need to change. We women learn how to manipulate a man from when we're toddler --  our fathers, brothers, uncles,  boyfriends, friends, bosses, police officers, husbands, sons and other men in our lives. That, dear ladies, falls under the third type listed above, even when there's no "physical" element involved. While women can try to manipulate other women; it's far more successful with men. When one woman is in a relationship with two or more men, there is a tremendous temptation to twist them to her will, for she will play them against each other. The other half of the problem is that men can be possessive of things they treasure; when two or more men desire the same treasure, there is a strong temptation for jealousy. Granted, this can happen in women too, but I've seen it far stronger in men, including whether their "treasure" is female or male. So a few things ingrained in our social behaviors need to change; but it is not an impossible situation to achieve.

• What about procreation? This also falls under the third type; one or more people are participating in physical intercourse to get something out of it. Sadly, this can happen when one person IS in love with the other (fourth type) and the other is in it for something else. This in no way implies that having children following the physical expression of love is wrong. In fact, that's the purpose, to create something through our expression of love - an extension of mutual love.

• Can one be in the physical relationship for the right reason (fourth type) and another not be? Certainly, as I've just mentioned. And sadly, there are many that fall into this for reasons beyond procreation. Often the manipulative one does not tell the partner. Sometimes the manipulative one doesn't really know either, but tries to convince him/herself they are in love.

• If you find yourself in a relationship where you are in love but the other person is not, is that wrong? If you are in love while you perform physical intercourse, you do nothing wrong, unless you are aware the other person(s) has other agendas. In which case, I ask is it wrong to hand an alcoholic a drink? If you are aware the other(s) does not love you and you continue in such a relationship merely because you love them, that is closer to idol worship than shared love. In which case, you also will fall under the third type.

I'm pretty sure there will be other questions I've missed, but I hope I hit the bulk of them. This isn't just my interpretation on the statement above. I've gone over these questions a number of times with Yeshua to make sure I understood His perspective. Being raised Catholic, many surprised me at first too, though my heart seemed to recognize them as truth even when my head still wanted to argue that this would be considered "sinful."

As I said in my previous post, I needed to learn to shift perspective at times.

Conversations with Yeshua

I think it's time to admit openly, at least on this blog, a few things. I know I've hinted at it in the past, hoping none would believe I'm either a liar or insane. But I think I've reached a point when I can stand up and say, yes, I do talk with Yeshua (Jesus) - beyond the traditional prayers.

How do I know it's really THE Yeshua? Don't you think I've had that question run through my own head hundreds of times since it started happening in 2007? Yes, at this time, I am certain. Explaining why I am would take more than one blog - more than a book - to answer with all the evidence He's given me over the years.

Here I want to clarify a few things, though. Thus the purpose of this blogpost.

First, it's not really "hearing" Him through my ears. My physical ears don't hear Him at all. It's not "voices in my head" either. In fact, Yeshua doesn't speak to me in English. Nor would I understand another language easily.

Let's take a step back and go over the whole process, at least as far as I've come to understand it.

When we pray, we say words in our head. These words are translated, via the Spirit into vibrations or something at the level in which God actually communicates.

When God or Yeshua wish to communicate to me, it goes through a process not too unlike a phone's headset. There is some vibration / energy transmitted to me, within which is the message / meaning that is being conveyed. My spirit registers this vibration and translates it - through the Spirit within us - to my mind. It then becomes thoughts, concepts, feelings, ideas, and - to some degree - understanding.

Then the grey matter kicks in, as though it received the message through the neural network that's in our bodies (including the parts that hear). The message is sometimes - but not always - translated into words that I know. In my case, that's English. But when Yeshua sends it - it could start as Aramaic or Hebrew or something else entirely.

Other times I receive something with no words at all, but rather feelings or impressions - affirmative, negative, "you know better," "you're OK," "I'm here with you," "don't give up," laughter / amusement, sadness, disappointment... I can go on, but you get the idea. It's an impression rather than specific words.

Do I speak with Yeshua daily? Yes. Several times a day. In fact, one of the exercises He asked me to do at the start was to NOT set my alarm clock, but let Him wake me up - whatever time I needed to be awake. Trust Him. I haven't set my alarm clock since 2007! 

He got me up at 3:30 am today, telling me it's time to write. I will admit - I can grumble quite a bit in my mind when I'm half awake. But I type this now with eyes sparkling; I love my Brother dearly and this is one of the things we've come to share between us over the years.

We have conversations too, some lengthy, some quick, some quirky. I recall one time I asked Him about some of the customs of His time that I found strange. He retorted with, "Well you shave your legs!" LoL

There's many things we spoke about, including stuff that really doesn't matter in either His ministry or what I'm asked to do. These are simple parts of a little sister getting to know her big Brother, getting to know the carpenter from Nazareth who also happens to be the Redeemer of the world. I guess we all have day jobs. :D

For example, I've discovered His favorite color is red and He prefers rock music over country music. (I can't believe I found the picture to the right a few years after He told me that; guitar is the right color - LoL). It's certainly different than my tastes; my favorite color is blue and I LIKE country music. I'm not saying He hates it, but he likes to hear rock music more. That and the lyre & timbrel (which I finally looked up today to make sure I spelled it correctly - :P). The lyre I knew about before, but when He showed me an image of timbrel, I saw the tambourine. Close enough. :D

In addition to the fun stuff, there are some serious conversations too. Some of which I started to share on this blog and will likely continue in earnest. There are things He will not tell me. He also does not know when "the Day of His Return" will be. He still waits for our Father. But it's close; though "close" can be relative in the concept of Eternity.

I've learned that words that my head translates need to go through a strainer. I need the correct perception to understand some things. My own perception is still quite limited and there will be mistranslations. The gray matter will take these messages - like any thing else we see, hear, touch, taste, etc. and will put it in concept of our current understandings and experiences. With a limited - or incorrect - perception, the gray goo WILL and DOES spit out the wrong words. I have even had two or three words overlap simultaneously - sort of a malfunction. Our receptors are not perfect.

Yes - OUR receptors. What I can do, everyone has the potential to do. We can all hear Yeshua - and God. We just need to be willing to do so.

Our belief that we can not is one of the things that will block it - hanging up the call.

Why would we do that?

Well, I think it started back in Moses' time (see Exodus) where the people told God, "Please stop talking to us; you're scaring the hell out of us when you do." So God agreed and sent Prophets to tell the people what He wants to say. Am I a prophet? Well... I tend to argue that I'm not. That's another blogpost, though.

I just want to say that this is something that we ALL have available to us. Every one! Yes, it scares the crap out of you at first, but it's something you can get used to. Yes, it's not a perfect reception, but one can learn to filter what they hear with the understanding that their perception will color the words their minds are translating. After all, the bible itself is a translation too.

That is where we need to admit we don't know a lot of things, and let the Spirit within guide us so we CAN understand.