Nightmares

My final dream of the night was a nightmare.

I could share the nightmare in detail with my readers, involving swarms of horseflies the size of half-dollars, swarms of ants the size of my palm and this spider that doubled in size each time it bit me and finally grew wings to stay in my face regardless of what I did.

But the essence of this blog post is not to share this nightmare, but a lesson I received as I had awoken from it.

We all have nightmares; I even know those whose nightmares reflect horrific realities in their lives. It's a part of human nature. It's rooted in our fears and played for us in graphic color detail in our dreams. Some, like myself, also have the sensation of touch, taste, smell, and awareness as well as sight and sound.

At the end of the dream, I was staring fixated on the membraned leathery wings that had grown from the back of the spider, one that had grown large enough I could clearly see the two pincers of it mouth and multi-faceted eyes. I was paralyzed with fear. I realized I had no where left to turn, no idea how to stop this thing as each time I tried, it would bite me and double in size.

I was also aware that this was only a dream. So it was time to wake up.

As my eyes fluttered open to see the fickle dawn light illuminating the blinds and hear the steady patter of rain in the alleyway, echoing down the gutters on either side, the nightmare began to fade from my mind.

There was something else too, a ... reaching out. A question. "Why are you so afraid, Child?" My mind gestured to the lingering images of the swarms of bugs and the nightmare spider. "These are not real. Why are you afraid?"

"Because I am human," my mind answered testily, still half-asleep.

"That is no excuse." Pause. "Why do you fear it? Why do you give it power over you?"

My mind started to awaken fully and the nightmare was gone.

Fear.

In dreams or in waking, when we fear something, we give it power over us. Like the spider that would only grow larger each time I tried to swat it or squash it, when we attack what we fear, we acknowledge the belief it can harm us, that it has some measure of control over us. And, in doing so, our perception / awareness of it grows ever larger and more focused. This is true even when we don't acknowledge it to ourselves consciously.

Terrorists use fear all the time and through fear, they change the way we behave and how we view others around us. If you don't believe me, take a walk through airport security.

On the basic level, fear leads to two responses: hide or attack. One prevents us from learning, growing and moving forward. The other divides us from our brothers and sisters, increasing the fear in them and ourselves at the same time. The best answer is to let go of fear altogether. Let fear fade, like the nightmare in daylight.

Within this existence, it is not an easy path. But it's one I am called to walk.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

~Frank Herbert