Child-Like

I awoke at 4 am this morning, said my good mornings and prayers. Then, not feeling well (stomach flu), drifted back to sleep. The dream I had then, I'd like to share with my readers.

I found myself standing in a big open nondescript area. I was aware of God some distance away and was told: "Approach our Father."

Needless to say, there was some trepidation on my part. The butterflies in my belly danced and rapidly extended until fear immobilized me. Not completely, just enough I couldn't get my sneaker-clad feet to take one step in that direction.

So I reached, instead, to my side. Yeshua (Jesus) was there and asked why I wouldn't go forward. Dancing with excuses a moment, I admitted that I was afraid. He smiled; one of those bemused, laughing with-me, not at-me, grins. Then I asked Him to take my hand, believing it would give me a bit more courage.

He did.

My concept of self changed; I was younger, perhaps around 13 when I had received my Confirmation. A lot of the trepidation left me. The thought of approaching God didn't bring the butterflies, but more a sense of awe and wonder.

Something to respect; but not something from which I wanted to hide.

I took a few hesitant steps, and glanced up at Yeshua's face, trying to gauge His response. He gave my hand an encouraging squeeze and smiled down at me. This time it was one of those warm, open smiles where you can see a bit of His teeth. It was a smile that danced in His eyes.

A full, real smile.

I don't recall clearly if I mentioned it in this blog. But, after prayerful consideration, I've clung to only one thing I've asked God for myself: After my life here, I want to see Yeshua smile.

That's it. No crown of glory. No seat near Him at the feast. No praise, glory or recognition. I want to see Him smile. A real smile, I insisted, one that I could see in His eyes.

I've seen His tears too many times. I wanted to see Him smile.

And in that moment, I did see that smile. I raced up to our Father like a little girl, crying out, "Did You see it? Did you see that, Pari?" (See this link for the term). I had raced up without fear or trepidation, full of Joy. "Did you see my Brother smile?"

I had reached what felt (more than visual) "the foot of the throne," standing at what seemed like God's knee. I didn't see an old man on a throne, for that is no longer my concept of the Father. It was more a Presence of Light, Love and more, One that was open to receiving me and listening intently to my words, sharing my Joy. I hesitantly reached out one hand lightly touching something, but it wasn't a touch akin to physical sensation, just a light contact with something grand, loving and fully trustworthy.

I started to babble like a four-year old, telling God that I thought I also saw Yeshua smile when I meditated in my yoga class last night (which is true). Just a flash, but I tried to bring every detail to mind and share it verbally with God in that moment. I wanted to share my Joy.

Then I realized, that my concept of self had changed again. I was a little, four-year old girl. I retained all the memories of my 42+ years that I have in waking, but my self-image and demeanor wasn't an adult. It was a small child.

That's when I recalled the passages where Yeshua blesses the children and teaches those around Him, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these."

When we approach God

With child-like heart

There is sweet Joy

At the very start.

:D