I keep stumbling over something all the time: my mind keeps focusing on myself. Not others. Not Yeshua (Jesus). Not God. Myself.
There are even times when I'm miles from a mirror and I can picture exactly how I appear. It's like a mental camera following me around, keeping me in the spotlight. I can see the wind playing with loose strands of my hair as I feel it behind my head. I can see how my clothing fits over different parts of my body, making me appear fat or perhaps a bit slimmer when I suck in my gut.
My mind even keeps an image of myself in the forefront when I converse with others, picturing how my facial expressions would be seen by the other, guessing how they would interpret those expressions. I'll even admit, when I tweet or write something, I try to picture how someone will respond to my words, how they respond to ME.
That's the core of several issues - the one thing that causes so many stumbling blocks as I try to learn. The ego keeps my focus on myself. That's not how I need to see things though.
I need to let go of the ego. Let go of constantly focusing on myself.
I need to refocus my sight on others, or on Yeshua if I cannot keep my thoughts and sights on my brothers and sisters.
Why is this so hard? Why does it seem that I'm hard-wired this way?
I know we're not.......
I keep checking stats; do people read my posts? How many? I view the number of followers, retweets and favorites; do they like my tweets?
Why does any of it matter?
The message is what should matter. The Love we share with one another. The laughter that helps raise another's spirit. The word of encouragement. The Song that invites others to sing along. God's Love reaching through lives to touch others, to comfort, to encourage.
The spotlight is sweet, but I need to walk away from it to see. Anyone who has stood on stage knows that it's impossible to see the audience with the spotlight in our eyes. Likewise, how will I truly know my readers, my friends, my brothers and sisters, unless I walk out of the spotlight?
I need to shift focus - to you. To the world. To God. With all my mind and heart.
This post really spoke to me as I am struggling in this area a lot. I want it to be about God and others, not about myself. We must die to self. I can only do this through the strength of my Father, that is why I am praying to him to help me because I cannot do it. Thank you so much for sharing this and don't give up just do your best to stay focused.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Diana. I think it's something we all struggle with, a result of the world's today where we face constant pressure to maintain a certain image and have reminders that we should focus on ourselves (advertisers, TV shows, etc.).
ReplyDeleteThe "die to self" part did cross my mind while writing (many times) but I couldn't find a way to fit it in there.
I agree with you, my strength is not strong enough and I need God's strength to break these habits. But with God's help, this is something we both can accomplish. :D