Shield

This week, I returned from my gaming break on Farmville, though I am still on hiatus from Twitter. I will admit, it's an addiction. There is no "if" or "but" I should add here; I want to be completely honest. I enjoy it. It feeds my need for creativity, compulsive need to have everything in order, and need to socialize. Plus, I feel helpful when I click on a person's help requests to "send" them items they need for a game quest.

But in the "real world" is this really helping them? I don't know; other than perhaps the feeling that someone does care (some never experience the lack of this), I don't see any real good other than I personally enjoy playing the game. However, it does detract from my real life responsibilities, including work.

Yesterday morning, I played right through the time I was scheduled to arrive at work. My boss - fortunately - allows flexibility in my job, but this is no excuse. I simply did not want to get out of my comfortable flannels, get dressed and go to work. I wanted to stay home all day and play the game. As I said, I'm an addict. :(

After arriving almost a half-hour late, I discovered a voice-mail from the boss who was traveling on business this week. He reminded me that the task he assigned weeks ago had not been done. The deadline was yesterday. I had forgotten about it; the paperwork was buried on my desk under the health and dental benefits renewal paperwork I still needed to go through for the meetings next week so we could determine the company benefits starting in April.

I told myself I'd deal with it as soon as I get my tea.

It doesn't help that I cannot turn to another addiction of mine: coffee. With interstitial cystitis, I had to give up ALL forms of caffeine: coffee, tea and chocolate. Even decaf has some amount of caffeine. I also cannot have anything with fruit or citrus, thus anything from hot apple cider to herbal teas that have orange peel or lemongrass are out. If you read all the herbal tea ingredients, like I had to, you will discover there are only two hot beverages I am allowed for this condition: peppermint leaves (only!) and camomile (only!). I have found peppermint tea is too sweet as a first-beverage of the day and irritable to my stomach. So that leaves camomile. For those who have never tried camomile tea, it doesn't help one feel more awake and alert. In fact, it has the complete opposite effect, even loaded with sugar and milk. 

So while my mind grumbled that this is the perfect example why I need coffee in the morning, I also got the overwhelming sensation that I wanted to ignore the tasks that needed to be done and just play more Farmville. The two addictions hit me like a vice. My head literally started to whirl as I felt I was drowning and out of control in my life...

I reached out to Yeshua (Jesus), hoping to get at least a sympathetic ear for my troubles. I needed to be strong to fight addictions and focus on getting my job done. I felt like one leg was clamped in a steel bear-trap while a steam-roller was bearing down on me. I didn't have the strength I needed to fight these addictions.

He pointed out that, yes, I didn't have the strength. But I didn't need to have the strength. I could use His strength, and He had more than enough for this.

I've tried this before, many times. Sometimes it worked for me and I felt stronger and able to accomplish what I needed. Other times, I felt as though I was racing up a hill covered inches deep in warm margarine, achieving more backsliding than any forward progress and pointlessly "spinning my wheels."

Yesterday was a spinning-wheel type of day. The desires, the pile of work on my desk, the need for caffeine, all seemed to overwhelm me so my mind would not focus on Yeshua as I needed. I was on the verge of tears...

He told me to sit down and just listen a minute. I did - right on the floor of our small company kitchen. Fortunately, no one else walked into the back office where our kitchen is to find me there.

Then Yeshua tried a new tactic to help my mind focus better on what we were trying to accomplish together. He told me to use Him as a shield. I knew He was strong enough, but I couldn't wrap my mind around how to use His strength. So He introduced the new concept into my mind to use Him as a shield from the addictions, from the feeling of being overwhelmed by the workload,... from everything.

Just that: let Him be my shield.

 

It actually WORKED!

Immediately, I was calmer, more focused and - in hindsight - much more alert than I've been in days. 

My mind was so focused that I was able to accomplish ALL the work I needed to do by 2pm (starting at 9am, an hour later than normal). I was able to leave 45 minutes later for a doctor's visit without having to take work home with me. I was able to take breaks through the day, as well, to harvest my farm at the necessary times. I had a balance between work and fun for which I am sincerely thankful!

I also know that whatever is given to me is offered to all, including all my readers. While I do hear Yeshua, I am still learning in this life. That which is shared with me is also to be shared with all.  This is what Yeshua wants. Let Him be your strength & your shield too.

It is only together that we will find our way into the loving arms of the Bridegroom...