Running Scared

It's been suggested that I ask Pari (God), "What is your will?" at the start of the day or whenever I feel troubled with life's distractions. I've tried this the last two days and it has left me quite frightened and second-guess a lot of what I am doing.

Let me take a couple of steps back. Yesterday morning, among my tweets was a response to someone who ended their tweet to me with "BlessedBe." I do have Wiccans among my friends so I understood what it was, a kind greeting not too different than "Shalom" and "Aloha." So I wanted to tweet something along the lines of that greeting and this just rolled out of me:

Blessed Be, my friend, all of your days.
Blessed Be, dear one; may Light guide all of your ways. :D

Dear one? I don't even call my husband, "Dear one." Where did that come from. Right after typing it, i realized something reached through me, with Love, to send that message to the recipient. While I understand Pari as both male and female, I guess my mindset is still very rooted in Christianity. Has some aspect of Pari, this "Goddess," just tapped me while I was typing that tweet? 

Shaken by that, and quite busy at work, I cut my twitter usage short and stepped away. In the evening, I resumed, trying to keep that particular tweet from my mind. In the second run I felt a strong desire to share a particular video with another. She had often mentioned that she cannot wait to be in Christ's arms. So I sent a link to the video for one of my favorite songs, Mark Schultz' "Back In His Arms Again."

♫ I believe that He never let you go. ♫ I believe that He's wanting you to know..♫
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLFPpOCORs0 ♫ (M. Schultz)

The recipient replied right away saying that she will listen to it right after dinner. That was last night I haven't heard back from her since then...

This morning, there was a response to a tweet that mentioned Forgiveness.

Forgiveness in my heart towards my enemies, yes; with Love & a Pure Heart.

Forgiveness in court for their crimes, no. #Justice

I tried hard to focus on work this morning after reading that, but what I ended up doing, after  I paused to pray for guidance a few times, was writing a lengthy post for my other blog. I think the title: Forgiveness & Fight, needs to be changed, but I read over the blog numerous times. It stands pretty much as written here.

Then I spent the rest of my day worrying about that!

I usually avoid political  / social commentary. I am actually quite shy and for me to stand there and say things that will quite easily upset readers - then SEND it to someone via DM on Twitter, plus post it to my Twitter account... What am I doing???

Late this afternoon, a friend sent me this by Twitter's private message (DM):

Angels Walk Among Us. You Can Recognize them By the Light in Their Eyes :0)

What is that about? I didn't mention anything about angels in either the stories I sent her nor any recent tweets. Is she hinting that she thinks I'm an angel? I'm NOT! I'm human! Just like everyone else. Or is she hinting that she's one? She also tweeted to me, but something along the lines of "creative people."

I'm afraid to ask her about it in my current mindset. I've already made a mess of things as you can see below...

I'm scared. Quite frightened. I fear loosing friends, followers, making enemies, yes I know this is the ego. It feeds on this fear and hope to have a "nice reputation" in this world. I know I am called to step away from this world's spotlight. Fine. I'll sit quietly then.

But somehow I wonder if "quiet" is part of Pari's plan for me...

I asked for help; I asked to be guided to do God's Will. Why am I so frightened then?????

I actually semi-backpedaled on two of the strange things above. As I have not heard from any of the recipients, I thought to "smooth over any ruffled feathers" or ease some bad feelings. All I really wanted to do was share smiles and blessings. Not attack. Some have seen my tweet as an attack in the past...

So to the woman whom I sent the video, I sent the  private message:

I hope sending you that song was OK. It's one of my favorites & came to 

mind w/your tweets re: being in His arms. Wanted to share it w/you. 

Then I really lost my nerve and started yabbering away like an idiot to the one I sent the Blessed Be tweet to:

Hi. I hope sending you that last tweet @ you was OK. It rolled from /
thru my heart as typed. I only meant to send you blessings.

Having Wiccan friends, I understand the greeting 

"Blessed Be", but that tweet just... rolled out of me. 

What I'm dancing around is this. While I am not anythings special, 

something reached thru me, with Love, toward you in that tweet...

I don't even call my husband "dear one" & it's kinda frightening me. 

I hope it did not upset or estrange U.I just meant to send U blessing.

YIKES! What is WRONG with me. Trying to "fix" things is only making it worse. :(  I'm going to leave it as that. The blogpost... I'll sleep on it. But fear is making me do all sorts of stupid things today. 

If I am truly being guided, I pray Pari sends me some reassurances. 

I'm scared stupid right now. 

I know I shouldn't be...

But I really don't know what to do. Go with the flow or play by "normal" rules in this life...