Pentecost

Thirty years ago, I received my Confirmation. Despite the pomp and circumstance, that day was memorable.

Growing up Catholic, I received my Baptism when I was an infant; Penance and First Holy Communion at the age of seven, without choice.

At 12/13, we were given the choice if we truly wanted to follow Christ. 

In a Jewish neighborhood, many saw Confirmation as the "Catholic Bar-/Bat-Mitzvah." There would be a ceremony, then a big party afterwards with lots of presents. Many of my classmates, I admit, just went with the flow. This was what our parents expected.

While I dutifully added my name to the list, as my mom would badger me non-stop until I did, I understood during the studies that for the first time, I was making the first active choice to follow Christ.

I read about different saints and asked God why such Wonders did not happen in my life.

In looking for signs that were not to be, I missed those that surrounded me, even Confirmation day.

The day was bright, sunny and VERY windy. My mother and aunt fussed over my hair, as the wind tossed it before pictures.

Inside the church, we heard the wind's howl clearly, as it increased steadily to the homily, just before the students lined up to receive their Confirmation. The wind buffeted the building noisily.

Then the building - made of brick - shook from the wind!

Over the rumble, the Bishop paused and looked around the building, perhaps wondering if it was safe to be under the cathedral ceiling and thick oaken beams two and a half stories over our heads.

Then he mentioned, in a somewhat quieter voice, that the building the disciples were in on Pentecost Sunday also shook - just before they received the Holy Spirit.

I will be the first to admit, there were no tongues of flame and the assembled students did not become human candlesticks.

Part of it was like a play, we had our lines memorized and rehearsed. We performed a liturgical dance. And we had oil smeared on our foreheads as our sponsors gripped our shoulder in a vice to make sure we had our best side to the cameras.

It was a Ceremony, with a capital "C."

As a shy girl who prefers hiding behind books, I was also the smallest in my class, and thus the first to go up. This was a nightmare!

But right afterwards...

... There was Peace. There was a bit more confidence.

I didn't leave the church preaching in tongues, but there WAS something in that simple acceptance - in confirming that I WILL follow Christ in this life - that rooted itself deep in my soul.

Like the bamboo, it took many years of growth below the surface. Now I see its results grow in leaps and bounds. When I open my heart, the Spirit within SINGS!

Tomorrow is Pentecost Sunday, when the first Pentecost  is celebrated.

Will you accept the Holy Spirit into your life too?

I continue to do so.

It makes the difference.

:D

The Gripe

When I tweet, I roll out hundreds of responses. My heart sings.. until I run into "The Gripe."

When she sees me on Twitter, she tweets "@" me three words: "How are you?" While polite, when I reply with the same question, she immediately tweets her latest minor ailment. 

While sympathetic to her plight, that is ALL she tweets at me. Complaints. Even when I no longer ask or address her question, sending a pleasant greeting or Blessing instead, I still get the complaint of the day. Now I cringe when I see her username, knowing what's coming.

I half jokingly wonder when she'll tell me her left buttocks fell asleep.

While I mentally rolled my eyes at her complaint sent today, I got a nudge from Above about my little judgement call. Then I was given understanding from a different perspective...

My username on Twitter is @JesusSister. Some may interact with me the same way they would interact with our Brother Yeshua (Jesus). They come to Him with their complaints, their troubles, their tears. And they expect that He will help them with their burdens.

Who am I to be less sympathetic toward my brothers and sisters? Even The Gripe.

Another thought crossed my mind: How many talk to God when they don't have worry or complaint?

How many stop to thank God for a pretty flower, or a tasty morsel of food, or even overlooked Blessings like a hot shower?

How many stop to just say "hi" to God or sit quiet, soaking in God's Presence. Churches fill with people when there is a disaster. But are empty on a sunny afternoon.

I, too, will quickly turn to God when I have pain, trouble or a gripe, but not so quickly to just spend time with my Heavenly Parent.

If only hearing gripes irks me, how does God feel?

I need to change...

Mom

After posting this blog post, a Twitter follower asked to adopt me as his mom. He's 28 years old, and in Africa.

While we considered adopting children of a different background - we considered CHILDREN. My concept of motherhood is sharing home and life with a child, raising to have the same values that I hold.

At 28, he lives outside his parents' home. He does not have regular contact with his mother, and thus seeks to adopt me as a mom as teacher and guide in his life.

Does age matter? I don't know. Though I am practically twice his age, old enough to be his mother.

The child I lost would have been six years old this 4 July. If all went according to plans, I would have known her personality well, and she would have been able to push my buttons. Even adopted children learns within a number of months once they move into your home.

I've been a big sister to many who do not share my biological family tree. Some showed up for dinner at my mom's house every night when I was a kid. Some I've adopted over the years.

I'm an aunt - biologically and otherwise - to dozens.

But a mom?

When I turned to Yeshua (Jesus) in prayer, I got a gentle but firm nudge to a different person to discuss this.

I'll give you three guesses... :)

The response was a slew of impressions but three clear and simple words: "Open your heart."

Despite the open windows as I drove down the highway at 65 mph, the Jeep filled with the scent of roses. Even in the spring, there are no roses lining the highway here...

While we are ALL brothers and sisters in this world, sometimes we need different relationships to round out our lives. There is one looking for a mom, and he has asked me to adopt him into my heart.

I think I shall...

Twit Judge

"We are called to Love, not play the Judge" is one of my favorite slogans, and something I need to be vigilant too.

Last week I purged my Twitter followings. I not only unfollowed those who didn't follow me (making room for new follows), I also unfollowed those with negative tweets.

Many of the "hate" tweets were from Republicans who still b*tch that their candidate didn't win, continue to bash Obama, and spread lies and dissension.

Last week I discovered I could use the #tcot and other hashtags to find and remove these accounts.

I received a gentle reminder to really look at my intentions. Was I following the Spirit, who instructs me to approach every person with Love and Compassion? Or was I playing the Judge in saying these accounts are not worthy of "my follow."

Who do I think I am? God?

After that wake-up call, I refrained from doing so. But the temptation is still there, even when I follow new followers. Something inside me wants to be the Judge, the one in control, the one who calls the shots.

But that is not what my Twitter account should be.

Yeshua/Jesus didn't refuse to help the Centurion, why should I turn away the Republican? He visited with the tax collectors, why should I block salespeople and marketers? 

Are my tweets not to be shared with ALL of my brothers and sisters?

I must admit, my ego has become creative. I agreed not to unfollow any more #tcot members, but I went to #uniteblue and followed a whole bunch of Democrats. I told myself that it was to "balance the tweetstream, as I am an Independent after all."

Who do I think I am fooling? I can see that is a lie, and so does God.

 

It isn't that God has anything against Democrats. (God doesn't care WHAT political party one follows; it's merely lines with which humanity divides itself.) What upset God was that I was trying to sidestep a direct request. I was acting to spite God - like a willful child will do - and (S)He saw right through the "excuse" I threw up in my mind to cover it.

After a few days to really think about what I've done, the Song inside continues to sing. I continue to share this via Twitter. God is not one to hold a grudge, and I need to let things go as well.

It's time to turn the other tweet. :)

Jesus Loves You

In church today, I recalled an event I wanted to share with my readers.

My husband and I typically stand in the back. During prayers, I kneel on the floor when others use the pew kneelers. I've been doing this for years to the point where the ushers kneel in the back now too.

One day after Communion, when some sneak out the back before the official end of Mass, and older man made his way down the aisle toward me. I moved out of the way to let him pass, and then continued my prayers.

After a few moments, he shuffled his way back to me, grabbed my folded hands and pulled me to my feet, saying, "It's all right. Get up. It's all right."

When I gave him a questioning look. He patted my hands with his other and said, "Don't worry. Jesus Loves you." And then shuffled out the door.

While I found it strange at the time, in hindsight today I realized that this day was during one of my struggles. This man did not know this. But God did.

Sometimes, even when we know God loves us beyond a doubt, we still need to hear it. God uses our brothers and sisters to bring the message to us.

Jesus Loves You

Pass it on...

:D

Fight

Anyone beyond the "honeymoon" period of a marriage can tell you that there will be fights. Some don't yell at one another; they just talk at each other in loud voices without listening. Some don't talk at all, just scowl.

This past week, my husband and I had a spat. He didn't read the clues that I needed five minutes of uninterrupted time to write a work-related email. He kept asking me questions. Then he told me dinner was ready. Couldn't he see that clearly dinner must wait until I got that email out?

I became exasperated at constant interruptions and snapped at him. He yelled back that perhaps it would be better for him to leave.

After that, he STILL kept asking me questions even though I made it VERY clear I needed to focus on the email. Following this shouting match, he stormed out the door.

At first, I sat in the kitchen after getting the email out, waiting for hubby to come back home. Dinner grew cold and was uneaten that night.

I ate some fruit to get the bitter taste out of my mouth. This was followed by "comfort" cookies. The bitter taste remained.

I expected, when I reached out to Yeshua (Jesus), that He would "side" with me. I needed confirmation that I was right and my hubby was wrong. (Sound familiar?) What I got was a clear picture of what He was seeing. A little sister sulk and and an ego that wanted stroking.

Yeshua was not going to do that. Instead I was given the prompt that I am not thinking with my right mind, letting my ego have the reins instead...

After my husband came back, we reconciled and went for a walk - and talk - together. That was when I learned that my impression was incorrect. My husband never yelled, nor stormed out.

He believed the email was done, as I continued to answer his questions and converse with him. Most of the questions were part of dinner preparation. Then he wondered why I suddenly lashed out viciously when he told me supper was ready.

Being the engineer he is, he proposed a few options (thus the additional questions), including stepping out of the apartment to give me quiet. But I kept snapping back, "I just need five uninterrupted minutes!" So he opted for a walk to give me the space and peace he could see I needed...

This certainly is different than I saw.

My ego skewed my observation. This became a wall that divided us. My ego demanded that I was right, and all others were wrong -- even Yeshua. It would not give up the fight until it had won.

Some may argue that the devil twisted my perception to cause strife. Division and conflict are tools of the trade, and the ego is the gateway into our mind.

But I had Yeshua on my side. And He doesn't coddle when the Truth would set me free. The truth was that I wasn't thinking with my right mind. My perception was distorted.

Before my husband got home, I spent time in prayer with Yeshua. I asked the Spirit to take the negative thoughts from me, so I COULD think with my right mind.

It helped. And gave me a chance to hear the truth.

If only I had done that first, instead of eating all those cookies. Or even before loosing my temper...

Recap and Review

Several months passed; time to start blogging again. So much has happened, I don't know what to share, even from this past week alone.

So I share today's thoughts and move forward. There is no point in looking back, unless I need to recall lessons. That is what I did today.

This past week, I shared some blog posts with a few people from Twitter. In doing so, I re-read the posts myself.

Some I completely forgot, yet when gathering links, they leapt out, waving little text arms at me.

I needed to review some lessons, much like a student reads through the notebook before finals.

I have also grown: more confident, more skilled in reading emotions, more skilled in letting go, and more determined to use Spirit to identify and remove thoughts from my ego.

Love for Yeshua (Jesus) has grown more than I conceived possible. Part of this is that I am finally learning to Love myself.

Love with Yeshua isn't some school-girl "bride" romance fantasy. It's different and so much deeper ~ on so MANY different levels: the relationship to my Lord and Savior,  bond between sister and Brother, and budding romance between Bride and Bridegroom where I give all that I am to Him. And He has already given all that He is to us.

It is more real than the clothes on my back or the breeze touching my cheek. He is real. Yeshua IS here. He is also with each and every person both in and beyond time. 

My mind actually understands and accepts things like that now. I see the connections, how prayer vibrates along them, how Love and Blessings grow when shared, and how Forgiveness completely eliminates a mistake throughout time. I see the Kingdom being built, and how it exists within each and every human being ~ and much more.

I still learn and make mistakes. I still have bouts of doubt, fear and the case of the little-sister sulk. Yeshua no longer says the words, "I am disappointed in you."

Now He just points out that I am "not thinking with the right mind." The message is clear. I mis- stepped, and He guides me in how to reconcile the situation.

Step by step.

I continue to learn

And grow.