Stop the Presses

"Positive News" is a collection of news stories posted on my other blog daily since Jan. 1.

During Friday's prayers, I felt prompted to ask "just one more time" to see if God still wants me to do so. While I have gotten affirmations before, this feeling would not let me be. The time required steadily increased over the week and my heart wasn't in it.

Worse, it took over my life. I worked on Positive News rather than my job and became irked when the boss asked for reports. My husband sees the back of my laptop more than my face. And I haven't responded to tweets, emails or letters...

Inside, it felt like the winds that sustained this project have faltered and died. I thought it was my lack of commitment. Given that the Pope's resignation was constantly in the news stories I sorted, I didn't want to "just give up" if this was what God wanted.

But did God still want me to do this, or is its purpose fulfilled and the task done?

I prayed and I asked. My mind fought a battle I've encountered before...

Should I ask God for a sign, a simple "yes" or "no" -- or would that be "testing God?"

I recall Yeshua's response to the adversary in the desert, "It is written, you shall not test the Lord, your God." So I asked the unspoken question: "Would asking God for a confirmation be considered "testing God." Yeshua knew the conflict inside my head, and the frustration that God's Will was truly unknown to me in this matter.

He brought me Peace and understanding. I need Trust, but to ask for confirmation was not "testing." I was not trying to prove that God was there or that God will be faithful to a promise. In fact, to continue to chug along without confirmation after the Engineer has changed tracks would be "testing," trying to prove that my will was God's.

Checking in with God every step of the way is important. So there is delight, not anger, when we ask for a sign to confirm.

I was asked to pick something definitive, so I would not doubt if I "misread" the sign. I asked for 69 hits on Friday's Positive News post by the time I published Saturday's. No more; no less. I had 70 on Tuesday's post, so it was possible.

Yesterday morning, I got my answer -- 29. It had not increased since. Yesterday's post only had 22 hits.

I wondered, maybe God misheard me. Maybe He thought I said 29, not 69. Am I stupid? Of COURSE God heard correctly, and God even knows why I picked that number (birth year).

What is my mind trying to do? Surely, *I* am the one that wants to continue. I opened my hand, and let my ego go.

I responded to tweets full force yesterday. 120 tweets had over 300 responses before bedtime. 

I also went offline and played games with my husband. I beat him in Othello, but he won the majority of Zombie Dice rounds.

Gaming rolled into dinner time and we sat and talked across the table with no TV or distractions. Then I read to him as he washed  dishes. 

Yet in the shower before bedtime, doubt reared its ugly head again. What if I was mistaken? Negative thoughts told me that to end suddenly on February 16 made no sense. Why not keep Positive News going until the end of the month? 

Yet Yeshua was with me and brought me a bit of understanding. I was using the wrong calendar; count the days instead, He instructed. 40 days and 7, counting all the days I posted Positive News. 

Both 40 and 7 are biblical numbers.

It felt good. I felt at Peace. I was able to sleep in a bit this morning, knowing I did not have to face the long strings of negative news feeds to find the positive nuggets for my blog today.

The Engineer has changed tracks again; I only wish to obey. And this has brought me Joy.

Confirmation is key; I should never be afraid to ask for it.