Pissing On Fires

It's been practically a month since I last blogged, with some changes through which I grow. Some things needed to be added; others I needed to let go.

I become quite sour and bitter, snapping at the smallest thing. I also noted that words I read on Twitter and some blogs have been likewise biting. There was anger against those whom people saw as "wrong" or "sinful." There were insults thrown toward opponents in the American political elections. While there is also sad news from the wildfires and floods to the shooting at the Aurora movie theater, these didn't leave me feeling angry and agitated, but sad and in search for ways to help in a positive way. There was an outward flow of Love, rather than anger. But in the TV media, though, there were angry words. The media seems to thrive on "bad news" and "evils of society." I think this sums it up best:

If a winged unicorn landed in Central Park and started farting rainbows, and a person's pocket was picked in the South Bronx, and that was the ONLY two things that happened in New York City that day... every single reporter would be in the South Bronx and none would cover the Central Park story.

There was a lot of dark words - too many. I needed to step away from them.

I no longer read/watch the news, and have taken a hiatus from Twitter. I closed my FaceBook account months ago, and am avoiding Pintrest like a plaque. Since then, I have become less angry, less agitated, more at peace, calmer and even more productive at work.

Instead I started corresponding with a new pen-pal in prison, listen to my god-daughter (who's in the the tribulation of teenagedom), and spend more time doing things with my husband: watching DVDs, reading or going for a walk on days when my IC/PBS pain isn't so bad.

I also took a good hard look at the blogs I read. I went out and found a whole new selection and dumped many of the angry ones. I also learned to use the RSS feed in Outlook - thrilled as I can read them at the community pool where we have no internet access. :D

I keep and treasure some I had followed before: Angelic Insights, A Fragile Clay Jar with Treasure Inside, Inspirational Twitterings, and Spreading Joy. Now that I'm not bogged down or turned off by the negative blogs, I have more time and enthusiasm to read the good ones. :D

I've also discovered new ones I look forward to reading too. Terry's blog, Terry1954, can be both happy & sad, but it's a great read. There is also the great sense of humor found in Conversion Diary; I will never be able to walk into a Whole Foods Market without a chuckle. :P

Laughter is good medicine for healing - body and soul. :D

I also experienced something, that I question how long its absence went unnoticed. I had a beautiful moment where I was peaceful - and HAPPY. Simply happy. This was not in response to where I was, what I was doing, or the people around me. In fact, this wondrous contentment and inner Joy came while I was lying on my back under a CT Scan machine with an IV stuck in my arm, waiting for the tech to return. This was yet another test to see if there was some way to alleviate the pain that had robbed me of sleep and joys in life. Yet in that moment... I found happiness.

I think that's the important lesson I've been learning: in all things I need to trust that there is a reason. There is a purpose, even when I don't see one. And that God is there through it all, ready to lift the burden or give me the strength to see it through. That God does want me to smile too.

When I walk away from the negativity, when I let go all the distractions in vain attempt to escape the pain, I rediscovered life in the now. GOD dwells there. It's a place where we can meet. It's a place where all problems can have a peaceful and happy resolution - even through pain and the unknown.

Hand-in-hand.

Last night my rest was divided equally between pain / frequent urination that disrupts sleep, and dream-after-dream of fleeing from a volcano that spurred several forest fires. It wasn't until the last few minutes of sleep that I realized the same lesson: I should leave it all in God's hands. Through His divine guidance and help, perhaps I could have just pissed on the volcano and fires and called it a day. :P

I'm sure God would have enjoyed in sharing that chuckle with me too. :D